Another Now
by hopefullove13
Summary: Spencer is broken after finding out that Toby's on the A team. She doesn't know what to do. Should she let him in again, or not? She can worry about that another now. (one shot)


**Hey! I started writing this back in January when we didn't know for sure why Toby was on the A team. Then I finished this after the finale. I saw this on my documents and decided to post it. I'm hoping to post chapter 7 of All I Want tomorrow. So let me know what you think :)**

**I do not own Pretty Little Liars**

**Another now**

Spencer Hastings had always been the girl who never truly believed In love. I mean sure, she's read books about it and watched plenty of movies with her best friends about it. But she never believed it would happen to her. That all changed when she spent one night in a motel room. All that it took was one night in a crappy motel room outside of rosewood and she fell hard. Harder than ever before. So hard that she could've broken her skull, well hypothetically. But still she found someone to love. Even if this person was someone you would never expect her to fall for. He was the black cat of Rosewood. The outsider. People would cross the street when they saw him coming. But she saw past his hard, intimating shell. She saw the person who would never ever let her fall, be her safe place to land. But all that changed one day. And of course that day was there one year anniversary. It took one day to see that it was all an act. He was nothing but a liar, he was the one who would let her fall but still somehow make it seem like he was the one not letting her fall. It still doesn't make sense to her. It might not ever make sense to her. Thanks to Toby Cavanaugh, she's experiencing all these emotions. Thanks to Toby freaking Cavanaugh, she sees that love is nothing but a sham. A waste. But she still somehow can't get over the feeling that it wasn't all a lie. But I guess she'll never know.

* * *

Spencer sat on her bed that night, the night of her one year anniversary, the night that everything changed. She starts thinking that its her fault, her fault that everything has fallen apart. She feels like if she wouldn't have let Alison do all those thinks to him, he wouldn't have a reason to do what he did. But its to late to do anything now. She shouldve seen the signs, it was all right in front of her.

She starts hearing voices in her head. The voices are Toby, saying everything she needed to hear.

"_If you ever feel the urge to run away again, call me first. Ok?"_

"_I would never do anything to hurt Spencer."_

"_I had to see you."_

"_I love you so much"_

"_I don't care what you can't tell me, I care about you. I love you, do you hear me? I love you!"_

"_I made it for you"_

"_Pretending not to love you is the hardest thing ive ever done."_

"_spencer, I know who you are, you never have to say your sorry."_

"_im exactly where I need to be, I love you."_

What hurts the most for Spencer, is why would he say all those things, when in the end, he just wanted to hurt her. He just wanted to twist her and break her. Treat her like a doll. Then mend her back together. It's all to confusing and messed up to her. So messed up.

She goes through everything with any significance of him. The pictures, the letters and the rocking chair, he made for her. Made for her! She guesses it wasn't made of love but, evil and hatred.

She can't help but feel trapped. Trapped in a cage. A cage of Toby. A cage of the old Spencer. She wasn't the old spencer any more. She was the new and improved. She wasn't going to put up with crap anymore.

Spencer goes through denial. Denial that it's all in her imagination. And that when she wakes up it'll all be a dream. A dream that he wasn't really torturing her for months. But dreams don't always come true. Especially for Spencer. Nothing good ever happens to Spencer.

She refuses to tell her friends. They wouldn't understand. Probably make a bigger deal out of it. But, she needs to tell someone. Any one. She cant hold it any longer.

She decides to go to the top of the town. The place that used to be her and **its **place.

First she makes sure no one is up there. Check. She gets out of her car and walks to where you can see the town the best. She stands there for a minute then walks to some trees. She makes sure that if any one would come they couldn't hear her. Check. Then she starts talking. Talking for there first time and weeks about everything. To now one in particular. To the sky, the clouds, to her self.

"I just don't understand. Please help understand! I need to know. please!" she cries out to her self.

She breaks down and sits on the ground. Her knees pressed up to her chest. She's blubbering things.

"I just want to know what I did wrong? What did I do to deserve this? Please tell me, Toby!"

"You didn't do anything, Spencer" a male voice said. **Its **voice.

It startles Spencer. She freezes for a minute. Afraid that he could attack her, lock her in a freezer, slowly kill her, but even worse, leave.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I was just coming up here for a breath and I heard crying." He said with sympathy which confused Spencer.

Spencer didn't say anything for a minute. Toby just stood there looking down at her frozen figure, trying to think of something to say to the one he loved so much.

"If you're not going to say anything, just leave." Spencer said after 10 minutes had gone by.

Toby sat down on the grass beside her, far enough away that they weren't pressed up together but close enough that he didn't have to scream the next words he was going to say.

"I miss you." Toby whispered to her.

"How? How can you miss me when its your fault were like this?" she half whispered half screamed.

"Spencer, there's a lot you don't know. I-"

"Let me guess. You really love me and are only doing this to protect me!"

"well, sort of, of but-"

"How could you do this to me! How could you make me break up with you then act surprised when I did then come to the police station and confess your love to me! How is this all possible!" Spencer said getting up of the ground.

Toby tried adding something but every time Spencer would cut him of.

"Why would you throw yourself of off a scaffolding! And then act surprised when you find out about Wren? Why, why, why!"

At this point Spencer's screaming in rage. She's walking back and forth with tears covering her face. Toby stood up and walked over to her and grabbed on to her shoulders.

"Spencer, let me talk." He said with frustration, scaring Spencer.

"Please don't hurt me, ok. You doing what you did was bad enough. And please just let me go!" Spencer said choking on her own tears.

"Spencer you need to calm down. I'm not going to hurt you."

"How do I know that? I shouldn't trust you or anyone. But I-"

This time it was Toby's turn to cut her of. With a kiss. It was slow at first, but as Spencer realized how much she truly missed him, she turned rough. She grabbed on to the collar of his jacket, pulling as close as she can get him. He took this as a good sign and ran his fingers through her hair. They didn't want to stop but had to for air.

"Wow, I really missed you." Toby said when they pulled apart for air.

"oh my god! What did I just do? I just practically made out on with the enemy! The cold hard killer!" spencer said starting to pace again.

"Spencer you need to stand still so I can tell you the truth."

Spencer stood still and turned to look at Toby, telling him to go on.

"Ive been working with Mona, since I got back from the boys camp after the fire. Alison had come to see me and asked about the notes. I said I had no idea what was going on. I didn't know then. But when I got back, Mona came to see me. She apparently knew about me relationship with Jenna. She said I could get back at Alison and get away from Alison. So I did. We sent her messages for a year. Then she disappeared. I told Mona I was done, and she said ok because what needed to be done was done. I don't know who killed Alison, I don't even think Mona knows. I was done for a year but then Mona came to be again 2 weeks before Alison's body had been found. She said she wanted Alison's group to pay to. I didn't understand why. She told me not to worry about it. I said no. then I was suspected to have killed Alison. Mona came to me again. She said she could get the charges off of me if I stayed close to Emily. I agreed. Then you showed up at my door. Mona loved that. She told me to let you tutor me and then she decided to frame you. Any way she started hating that we got closer than she wanted. When I told you I loved you, it was real. She didn't like that I fell for you, she hated it. But I told her that I was just faking. I wasn't though. Then when they sent you that doll, I didn't know. which Is why I was surprised. Then me falling of the scaffolding was a punishment to both of us. Meeting Wren sucked because I didn't want you to go back with him. Then I left town. Mona found me again. I lied, and found dr. Sullivan." Toby said with little breath and trying not to cry.

Toby stopped talking for a minute so Spencer could process what she just heard. She looked up at him, telling him to continue.

"I didn't want you to find out the way you did. Mona planted those things for you to find. She wanted to crush you. She had a field day when she heard you outside of my loft that night."

Spencer had went to Toby's loft that night, crying at his door_. "please tell me that what I saw tonight wasn't real, please. Tell me that there's more to the story. That there's something that I don't know. please Toby."_

"I wasn't there though. I had went on a drive. She told me later. Everything ive done was so I could protect you. I know you probably don't want to belive me. But what we had was real."

They both get silent. They look to the sky and think about everything they have been through.

"_the devil has a name and its Toby!"_

"_im here tutor you."_

"_why you"_

"_im going with Spencer."_

"_don't take this the wrong way but you can't be comfortable in that jacket and that tie."_

"_im fine."_

"_top or bottom? Just kidding."_

"_im sorry this was a bust."_

"_that's ok. To be honest it was really fun to kick your ass in scrabble."_

"_hey it was not a complete ass kicking!"_

"_people cross the street when they see me coming and they think your trying to frame your brother-in-law. Who else are we going to hang out with?"_

"_ive never had a safe place to land but now I feel like I do. So I want you to stay safe."_

"_if you need anything tonight, ill be there for you."_

"_I love knowing that."_

"I know you have no reason to forgive me. But everything ive ever said was not a lie. I love you."

Spencer stays silent. she knows he could be lieing. She knows he could be dangerous. But that doesn't matter right now. all that matters is how much she's missed him. And how he makes her feel beautiful and loved. How he can just say her name and everything be okay. She knows she's taking a big risk. She knows that everything could go wrong. But she doesn't care. All that matters is Toby Cavanaugh is standing right in front of her. Shes done worrying about what could go wrong. Because for right now everything is right. Being with Toby is right.

Instead of saying anything, Spencer shows Toby that she forgives him and loves him, with a kiss. And everything is okay _for now_.

She still has the fear in her mind but she can worry about that another now. for now being with Toby feels right and she doesn't want to feel wrong.


End file.
